Hey, Marsha. Look, I know you?re probably freaking out right now what with finding my side of the bed empty and everything, so I convinced Klothax here to let me record this video message on our Audiovox Video Message Center with Dry Erase Board. I?m hoping you see the LED message indicator light when the effects of their sleep rays have worn off and get this video so that you don?t worry too much.
First, the good news: Turns out I?m not crazy after all! All those times I ranted and raved about my visitations and the transmitter they put in my teeth, they?re all true! Come on, guys. Wave into the built-in adjustable camera and say hi to the wife so she can see you on the 7-inch color LCD screen. See, honey? Totally real. We wasted all that money on therapy and prescription drugs for nothing.
Unfortunately, the bad news is it looks like I?m going to have to go away for a good long time while this alien embryo they?ve implanted in my gut gestates. Well, a long time to you, I guess. According to Klorthax, time moves differently on their planet and, while it?ll seem like a few weeks to me, it?ll be something like 400 years here on Earth.
Don?t panic, though. I can still be a good father to the kids while I?m away. I?ve gone ahead and loaded up the rest of the 1 GB memory and a few memory cards with fond family photos and important audio life messages that you can play them when they need some guidance. Oh, and I?ve also gone ahead and left all my passwords and account information on the Post-it® pad, too, which should make taking care of any loose ends I?m leaving easy. I mean, you?ll probably have enough trouble just getting them to believe you. Kind of like I did!
Well, Klothax says it?s time to go. Stay strong honey. Remember me fondly every time you see our anniversary on the digital calendar. I should be home around this time in 2410. Love you!
Warranty: 90 Day Audiovox
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