Don?t Hesitate

In the war between man and machine, there is no time for sentimentality.

?Stay sharp, Scout. This here?s Machine territory. Keep that laser rifle primed and ready for any GAH! Dang, that hurts.?

?Sir, are you going to make it? That wound looks pretty bad.?

?Nonsense. I?m fine. Just stings really good, you hear me??

?It looks like you?re losing a lot of blood, though.?

?I said I?m fine, Scout. In my time against the...
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Solely in the public interest - and not at all because I'm personally burdened with a ridiculous debt now several times larger than the amount I borrowed when I was 18 - I humbly direct your attention to this awesome Consumerist infographic on the evolution of the student loan from social-service program to burdensome rip-off.

I understand now that my mistake was running that debt up in pursuit of something frivolous like an education. If I'd done it by buying big-screen TVs and jet skis and Xboxes on a credit card, I could discharge the debt in bankruptcy and skip away scot-free. Plus I'd have a bunch of awesome...
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Okay, okay, jeez! Were you all only children or something? Just because we do an HTML5 post once in a while doesn't mean we like them better. Here's your little flash game of the day, Brick Hole.

Like Tetris crossed with Tempest, Brick Hole has you stacking shapes in a gravity well that? ah, c'mon, you know what you're doing by now....
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To see this right, as far as we can tell, the Arcade Fire want you to be on a 15" MacBook using Chrome. It'll still work with Firefox on a 12" screen, it's just gonna really start to bug you when the little popping windows start activating. Also, if you're doing work or anything, that's probably not gonna fly. But for all you hipsters lounging in the coffee shop who can just focus on this GENIUS piece of ART? hey, enjoy it! The Arcade Fire presents The Wilderness Downtown, an interactive video where you can listen to their music as you see? pictures of your childhood house.

An Old Joke

Man walks into a bar. Orders an Epson Workforce 600 Wireless AIO Printer soup.

Waiter sets it down and walks away. Man yells out ?Waiter! Waiter!? Waiter comes over and says ?Yes, sir? Is something wrong with your 5-in-1 printing, copying, scanning, photowork and faxing??

Man says ?Taste this Epson Workforce 600 Wireless AIO Printer soup.?

Waiter says ?Oh, maybe you don?t like the flavor of the built-in Wi-Fi and Ethernet to...
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An Old Joke

Man walks into a bar. Orders an Epson Workforce 600 Wireless AIO Printer soup.

Waiter sets it down and walks away. Man yells out ?Waiter! Waiter!? Waiter comes over and says ?Yes, sir? Is something wrong with your 5-in-1 printing, copying, scanning, photowork and faxing??

Man says ?Taste this Epson Workforce 600 Wireless AIO Printer soup.?

Waiter says ?Oh, maybe you don?t like the flavor of the built-in Wi-Fi and Ethernet to...
Discuss this article on the forums. (0 posts)

Every week in this space, we?ll take a look at the news and offer our own incisive blend of commentary, analysis, and poop jokes. The news you need, from a voice you can trust, in the 90 seconds you have to spare: that?s Woot Weads the Wire.

ROME (UPI) -- Mushroom hunting season in Italy is proving fatal for some, with 18 dead, mostly in accidental falls, in 10 days, officials said.

Mushroom hunters are urged to remember not to attempt to jump towards the spinning fire wall until they are sure they won't land in the lava.

LIVERPOOL, England (...
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Today at noon Central time - a scant fifty minutes from now - our team of hilarity-peddlers will take to our @WootLive Twitter account to wring a few more drops of mirth from yet another Apple wingding. Maybe we'll offer pithy yet scathing commentary on the nature of consumerism today; maybe we'll just add "in my pants" to everything Jobs says. Either way, satirical brilliance is approximately 65% likely to ensue.

If you're not following @WootLive yet, congratulations on having better things to do with your life than laugh. What a cold, lonely place your world must be.

As a species we face more decisions now than we ever have in the history of human kind. While our ancestors faced such intellectual challenges as "Will there be more food to the East or West?" or "Is that thing poisonous?" to get through their day, we can sometimes have to make a dozen decisions before the day even starts: what to eat for breakfast, what to wear to work, whether or not to brush your teeth, the list goes on and on. It can lead to paralyzing indecision as you begin to realize you're willing to do pretty much anything if someone ELSE would just decide. So leave it up to What Could I Do Today...